Sunday, May 20, 2018

The start of the beginning or the middle of the beginning...

Two weeks ago I started this post "Today starts a day full of excitement and energy for Life. A prospect of a Healthy family that can tackle any health challenge that may come. With faith in our amazing body's God has given us and the great information and resources that are occurring everyday...." This isn't anything grand, but I logged in this morning, and was surprised to see that I had already logged in this month. It's been a very long time since I posted anything. I clicked on the beginning of the post and was surprised to see that I had sat down for the very same reason today that I did 2 weeks ago... to begin charting my journey. It's sad how my brain is working and I really hope to reconnect things before it's too late, but you never know that it's too late until you have exhausted all your resources.

I have had the thoughts pounding through my head that I need to keep track of what I'm learning and document it for myself. ALSO I keep reading and learning things that I'm thinking to myself.. oh my gosh! I wonder if "so-and-so" knows this, or this is just what might help "so-and-so"
But there is something about all of us humans and timing... I wish it wasn't true, I wish that we could just always be 100% or know everything all the time, but it's just not the way life seems to work out. It's the CLIMB... it's the journey in life that makes our decisions so impact and meaningful in our lives.

I have been on a health journey for a long time. With all long treks it has been filled with obstacles, new people coming and going, stops along the way, hills to climb, beautiful visas, and harsh weather. It's hard to even think about everything at once because it hurts to much. Sometimes it's my pain that makes me cringe, sometimes it's the struggles of others that I wasn't able to alleviate. But there is definitely one thing that I can say for sure, and that is that through all the good and bad I have learned so much about life, love and the amazing grace of a Heavenly Father who loves his children.

I'm not sure I'm ready for everyone to know "ME" but I just feel an overwhelming feeling to put this out there. There are some that I wish wouldn't know anything about me, others that might be mean or cruel, but for the 1 person that I might help along this journey I will put up with the rest.

I am going to keep this record to help me and to help others along the way.  What started out at a plea to loose weight at the beginning has ebbed and flowed with success and purpose. I can pinpoint different markers in my life where things were good, things felt in balance and life was good in my head, and I can see those times I was lost and struggling to enjoy even a hug from one of my dear children.

My recent journey started as an "all chips on the table" approach to finally look in the mirror and see the person who I have been looking for for so long. I have endlessly tried to loose weight all my life!
recently With my diagnosis of Hashimotos (that I have been going to doctors for 8 years to try to figure out, and 5 years specifically asking to be tested for thyroid issues) more about that later! I have researched a little that low carb, gluten free lifestyle was the way to go, cutting out all sugar as well, then I had people around me trying out this "keto" diet, which i drug my feet in the mud before being willing to "start a new diet" I basically promised myself I wouldn't do that again. But I really felt it was best for me, I have worried about gluten intolerance for years and have gone off gluten for short periods of time but didn't know what results to look for as I was always 100% focus on losing weight... I felt that if I could lose weigh all my problems would vanish... I have always been self tortured by this problem!
Going back in my memory's to years and years ago...

I was what we call now "Bullied" and teased for my weight all my life as young as elementary school. Slammed up against a garage door in the neighborhood by Laura Bean as she proceeded to tell me that I was too fat. (yes it was so traumatic that I could go back to the exact location, and yes though I moved away when I was 10 years old, I still remember her name.) And within a short time I specifically remember a dear friend writing me a letter, I was in 5th grade, where she informed me that It was ok that I was Chubby( which when you are in 5th grade, is NOT ok to be called that) She would now likely barely hit my shoulder and her weight probably hovers around 100lbs... I was different then and that was bad. I was reminded over and over in 100 ways that I was different and that was bad. I remember 8th grade they weighed everyone in Gym class and told everyone your height and weight out loud. specifically remember being 5'8' and 128lbs... I shouldn't remember these things... it's insane, I can't remember things for a grocery list that I wrote yesterday, but trauma is different, it's scaring .... I can't forget them. I spent alot of my time in middle school and high school praying. I spent alot of time trying to balance my pull to stand out with my desire to not be the object of attention. When you are in the public eye (whatever your "public" is) you are under scrutiny.  I loved sports and being active, but couldn't handle failure or imperfection. It was easier to not do something than to fail trying... this was my high school/middle school life. It held me back from pushing myself, I didn't understand it then, and I'm just now starting to recognize it. And I'm learning alot about myself. But I had a deep understanding that while I may have failed to meet the expectations of those around me, I had a Heavenly Father that loved me and heard my prayers. I knew somehow that he heard and answered my prayers, and in many ways as the scriptures say he would go before me. I was able to push myself in someways that I felt inspired to do, that I felt a burning to do, in other ways, I just didn't have what it took to push myself. 

So now I find myself 36 year into life, still struggling with the same things that I was plagued with years ago, struggling with my weight and feeling like that will be the answer to all my problems, but I'm learning now that the only thing that I had right then was this: I was different, and I have a heavenly Father that loves me and has great need for me on the earth at this time.

If your reading this I hope that you can learn 2 things today: You are different, and thats ok!!! And your heavenly Father loves you and has a great need for you on the earth at this time!!

I don't have any answers for weightless in this post, But I am learning so much about what can help our bodies to be healthy. And it's not the food pyramid (I don't know why I question everything else the government is doing yet believed the food pyramid) , it's not calories in calories out (the most insane lie that I have fallen for!) But I have learned that the food we eat is either killing us, or helping us to thrive. When I started looking at things this way it was amazing the mental clarity that came to my mind. While I started out on this journey with Keto guidelines, I know that everyone's journey will look different, and that DIFFERENT IS OK!!! I am slowly finding what is helping me to personally thrive and succeed. I think I have been waiting for a magic potion that swooshes away fat and sadness and that won't happen.

Through my journey I will share about working with different doctors. I will share all my favorite podcasts and information that I have researched on the web. None of it can be considered medical advice, but what I have found is that when you hear the truth for you a seed is planted, when you hear a lie a seed is planted you just have to decide which you are going to provide your scarce resources to nourish!

So far My husband and I have been eating a meat and plant based diet. We have included dairy as well, but some of the family began eliminating dairy this week to see if that will help some of the health concerns that are plaguing us. I am one of those people.  I have physical pain all over my body from the 2 inched above the base of my hairline on my neck to my toes. Over the past year I have increased chiropractic and myropractic appointments in hopes to alleviate the pains. Many of the pains have been corrected and others have gotten worse. 
Massage is something I have also increased, to the point where a few weeks I have gone twice to get a professional massage because the pain was so emotionally hard to handle. Relaxing is very difficult for me. I have also began adding Yoga to my weekly routine and I love it! I also have given myself permission for relaxing and cutting out stress or even just daily routine in the effort to balance life. I matter, my family matters and I have let some of my household responsibilities slack and that was a huge help in my personal journey of peace. 
My fingers hurt currently and I am going to sign off. 
Today is Sunday, I plan to hug all of my kids, cut out extra distractions, ask the Lord what he would have me do this week for myself, my family and someone else. 

I had a sad awakening this morning as I thought of the times I have asked the Lord why I have struggled with one thing or the other, why he hasn't guided me to the write place, the write person for answers, the exact miracle that I would need to solve all my woes... and I thought of what our family has gone through, even things that they kids don't know they are going through. My kids have learned to do and be more, my relationship with my husband is amazing and he has had chances to serve and sacrifice for me that have bonded and strengthened us. I have learned to let go of so much, and to empathize and gain compassion for others. I see things and people differently. 

If you are reading this while struggling, see what good you can pull from the rubble, from the pain and from the sacrifices... this will help you gain gratitude and perspective.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Bridger is 4!

Magnolias Birthday

Birthday season is here!! heres a few of these sweet kiddos.
Magnolia April 22

 Happy Birthday Magnolia!! I love you sweet girl!
She is such a GIRL I love it! She's shy around boys, sucks her thumb, drags a blankie around, holds a baby, loves her Kenslie Baby and goes straight to her every time!! She loves LOVES loves her daddy and lights up at the sound of his voice and while she dosen't say daddy she somehow says "da" and wants to call him on the phone all the time! She LOVEs her brothers and lights up at the sound of their names when they are away. She started full on walking everywhere the week of her birthday and hasn't stopped. She just walks around all day long!! She loves holding anything over her arm like a bag or purse and will settle for a shirt or other clothes and puts her arm through it and carries it like a purse through the arm hole. SOOO funny!! Shes very opinionated, we can't believe shes not saying more words but she does use a few signs. OH I ALMOST FORGOT she throws a mean fit!
She loved yogurt, bananas, cheese sticks and milkies and of course her favorite....Ice cream cones!!

Monday, August 04, 2014

Happy Valley a new start!

WOW... the last year is kind of a blur... since our last post we have moved, TWICE! sucessfully completed a whole year of Homeschooling with the K-12 online charter school program some debate that it's not "real Homeschooling" But I absolutely LOVED it! The curriculum was great and the boys grew so much! They use testing still so we were able to measure their skills and both of them started above average and ended above average, which apparently is uncommon.

The boys are at the LOVE of Learning phase in life and are sponges for oppertunities to learn new things. From ancient Troy or the works of Van Gogh to a new math trick, they love learning!
They are all excited (8 on a 1-10 scale)... to start their new adventure today. It isn't with out reservations though. We all wanted to do homeschooling again this year, but something about it was left undecided in my mind. I never felt that I ever received an answer when I prayed about what they should do. I wish I could say that I felt really strongly about sending them to school, or that of all the schools I felt this was the best, or that I knew that I wasn't supposed to home-school or that I defiantly should keep them home...but that wasn't the case at all. I just felt undecided. So we felt being in a new area with the options of so many interesting charter schools we would research that, they nurtured a lot of the same values and educational objectives that I am passionate about and after an intensive look I choose this one :)
Happy Valley :) A patriotic school that supports Reading, hard work, family time, and historical and classic literature, and little homework so that when they are home, their home!. So here we go... without further ado:

The cutest little Kindergartener on the planet :)
Bentley Could not seee outside it was so sunny :)

Maxwell 2nd Grade

Cody 6th Grade


 I think I'm going to be ok... I had only cried twice by this point and only got watery eyes twice at the school.

Bridger just assumed that this was his seat :)
Bentley was so excited but also paralyzed with anxiety also. He could hardly talk, but went in and very slowly found his desk and put his name tag on.

I've had all the boys at home for the last year, before that I had Bridger as a baby, Bentley in Tuesday/Thursday preschool 9:45-11:30 and Maxwell in half day Kindergarten, Cody was in 4th.
Now the 3 older boys will be gone from 8-3 everyday (full time kindergarten) even though this naturally means more me-time, time to work on projects, I am still not that mom that is so glad that school has started. I love every minute of these little stinkers.  I think the time away can benefit us and I have a new perspective on learning and teaching and growth opportunities.  I have goals of how to improve family time and learning at home. I am going to make the moments that we do have together be some of the best!

Saturday, September 07, 2013

Learning and Growing!

 Tiffany Park was a great place to start!!
The Owen family loved our family at Tiffany Park! Great Teachers, staff and Principal.
Maxwell Finished Kindergarten and Cody finished 4th grade.

 Here is Maxwell above with his teacher Mrs. Twiss. He loved his teacher, she was a very wonderful woman.
Maxwell was a social bug, organizing playdates and making friends with all he could!
Maxwell ended school year with flying colors. He scored excellent marks in all catagories/subjects on his report card.

Today maxwell can read aloud on his own. Is adding 2 digit numbers, and even learning to read with expression. He enjoys being with people and making new friends. He is kind and thoughtful. He LOVES crafts doing crafts and projects and absolutely takes every opportunity to make others smile and feel good!
Last day of School- Athletic day- The whole family was there in our angels outfits.
Bryant and I helped with the field day activities.

Cody finished the 4th grade with Mrs Clinton. He loved her and has always loved every teacher he has, it's always hard to leave. Cody volunteered to Babysit for her little baby and we gave her 2 movie tickets as a teacher gift. He had fun babysitting her little one. He is a sweet sweet boy!

Cody up and down out of his set several times during the awards ceremony at Tiffany Park.

Cody was recognized for his work and dedication for being on Patrol and as a Conflict Manager. He also got to go to Henry Moses Aquatic center for being on Patrol.
Cody was a participant in Battle of the Books. With his 3 other team mates, they competed for the win in thier 4th grade class and WON!! They then battled all the 4th grade class winners and WON for the 4th grade!, THEN they battled the 5th grade winner and went on to WIN!! Cody's group, self named the "World Readers" represented Tiffany Park at a District wide competition. They scored 27/30 of the Battle Questions correct. They didn't take the trophy, but they did do a great job, and under such pressure I was so proud of them!!
Cody was recognized with a medal and a Trophy at the assembly.
Cody was also THE Outstanding Student of the Year in his 4th grade class.

Cody is reading at a 11th+ grade level and is constantly wanting to learn! I loveit!!
What a wonderful young man he is! We are very excited to see his thirst for academic learning to increase!

 I also recieved an award at the assembly, which was a very sweet experience.  I received the Golden Acorn Award which is a National PTA award, awarded through nomination on an individual school level to one community/PTA member each year. My name will forever be on a plaque in the Hall of Tiffany Park.

They read a nomination letter,and I received 2 gorgeous flower bouquets, and a $50 target gift card :) whoo hooo!The award was received because of my Readioactive reading program than I ran with the kids. Goal: 100,000 minutes, actual reading reported: 215,000+ Along with work at the bookfair: Highest gross profit to date.

I was a little caught of guard when I received the Golden Acorn and didn't get a photo, but I plan on stopping in to say good bye and get a photo op!

Bentley is such a fun boy, really 1 in a million! He barely survived prescchool... the kid who never wanted to go, but we made it and he always liked it when he was finally there! Here is is at the Dentist office. I love taking my kiddos anywhere, no matter how crazy I think they are being, people are always amazed at how well behaved they are and it's nothing new that bentley allowed them to do the full exam and cleaning, and then he went back for cavity and was a champ through out the whole thing!
What a great boy....It sucks that he had a cavity...but hopefully his teeth stay straight!!

Bentley is a little sportster! He loves all sports has an amazing throw, is tougher than nails and always comes straight in for kisses in the morning from mommy! So... were good! Bentley is recongizing letter names and sounds, adds numbers, knows mostly all shaped and colors, can count and Identify numbers out of a list. He's loving that I'm working with him also this year as I'm doing a home learning school for the boys. I told him that he could have free time to play and after about 5 minutes he said "Mom is my free time up yet? I'm ready to start school!"

This little face is just to much for me sometimes.. He's too cute... thats all there is to it!
Bridger doesn't know how to walk, he's straight to a bolt ,run or a side shuffle! ( he can walk ;) )
He feeds himself with a spoon (the other boys didn't care about this so this is super fun for me!) he LOVES his daddy! like....LOVES his daddy! It's pretty adorable! He uses sign language to communicate. He mostly uses, DOWN, Apple, more, eat, and yes. We are adding more and working on a handful all the time. He is now going to bed without a bottle! SOOO much easier than I thought it would be to break! Thank goodness! Bridger is the funnest and most adorable baby on the planet and we tell him that every 20 minutes. He is adored by all of his brothers and he also thinks he is a Ninja! :)

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Tulip Festival

 This was such a fun trip to tulip town! So glad that we skipped school and made some memories! We will defiantly be going back again next year. I can't believe that the boys enjoyed it so much, fields and sunshine. Here is a glimpse into the beauty of that day! I love these little faces more than anything in the world! ...and to add flowers just made my day brighter!

 Bentley Ray is truly a Ray of sunshine in our home! I love this little face and the millions of willing kisses he brings me each day! He loved the flowers and was going wild with the freedom of the fields :)

Cody was very excited to find these black diamond tulips! he was hoping to find blue...but these were a close second! such a wonderful big brother and one of the greatest human beings I have ever met!

Little Bridger was all over the place! He started walking a few weeks ago and is unstoppable now. he loved holding flowers, b-lining straight to mud puddles and toddling over the uneven ground. he fell quite a few times and tried to eat a few tuplips, he was a mess when it was all said and through, and I don't think he would have traded the day for anything!  


Maxwell is such a fun boy and a great big brother, he was coming up with games and hiding in the fields and finding pour tulips that had been picked  and disregarded. I could never post all of the photos here that I took of this cute little toothless face. Maxwell is such a wonderful blessing to our family!